hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
