Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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