I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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