see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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