If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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