I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
