I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
