i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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