I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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