What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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