You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
