Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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