Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just invented taco cereal.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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