so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
