fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
