I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
