He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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