I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
