I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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