My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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