at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So squirting runs in the family.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
