doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
