So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
