U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
