Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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