did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's shark week go big or go home
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
