ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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