Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
