dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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