Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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