Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
