You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
