I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
