You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
