According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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