I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
