Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
