Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
