I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
