i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
