i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
