Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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