By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
