Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
