I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
