Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
