Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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