literally had 100 drinks last night.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
