fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
