Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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