I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
